like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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