Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize