There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
