who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize