It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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