dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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