Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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