don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
