What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
