he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
