Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
