Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
