i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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