true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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