I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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