Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
