I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
