Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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