She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
