we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
