end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
