as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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