it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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