Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
