Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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