U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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