Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
