Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
