I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
