I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
