i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
