really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
