i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
