a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
