They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
