I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
