When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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