Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
