I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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