i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
