I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
