I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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