You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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