i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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