Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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