ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
