dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
