She is in my trunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
