Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
