I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
