Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
FUCK WHALES
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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