Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
