dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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