I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
