C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
