dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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