guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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