As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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