You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
