make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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